dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
