All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
