Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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