I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
