Three words: puerto rican gang bang
This girl is more easily done than said...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
