I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
