In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
