Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
