It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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