Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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