My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
