So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
