you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize