her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
