it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
