im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
