I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize