Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
