i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
