I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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