I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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