You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
