i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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