Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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