What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
