I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There's always time for handjobs
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
