All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
