and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
