she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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