Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
