It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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