just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
