watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You're a waste of cheezeits
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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