I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
