i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
