phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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