We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
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