Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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