I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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