In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
