So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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