Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
