Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
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It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
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If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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