I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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