Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
