Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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