With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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