I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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