shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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