Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
