Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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