okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She tied me up with her honor cords...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
