so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
