i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
