you have to choose: penises or morals?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
