dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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