She is in my trunk
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
