went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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