her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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