This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
