He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
