where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
