i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
