Ambien. No doubt about it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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