True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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