i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
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I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
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Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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