When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
