dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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