I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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