Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
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I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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