I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
